i'm just a notch in your bedpost . .

Thu, 22 Jun 2006 02:10:03 GMT

so i haven't updated in a while. i'm going out with josh muller♥ & i absolutely love it. i love how i can be myself around him, which is something i couldn't do with greg. josh treats me like a fucking queen too. i really like him alot. he got sick today though, i felt bad. =/ i hope i see him tomorrow =] i really love being with him. & i hope he comes over saturday too, it should be alot of fun =D lol okay well i'm gonna go, maybe i'll update tomorrow.

ilysm josh♥♥

Sat, 27 May 2006 15:05:35 GMT

so i'm confused between 2 guys. one's in 10th & one's in 11th. the one in 11th is friends with my brother & me & him have more incommon then anyone i'v ever met! but the one in 10th i get along with usprisingly well & alot of people think he likes me but he hasn't asked me out or anything yet. & i knwo the one in 11th likes me & i feel bads cause i'm helping him break up with his g.f & giving him advice on "the girl he likes" which i know is me but i'm not supposed to know so he doens't know i know. i feel so empty & confused right now. help?

Mon, 22 May 2006 21:01:21 GMT

lmfao so today i "stayed after" with michelle. so we went to ralphs & then met up with peck & them. little did i know, josh was there =] he gave me a long hug =] tehe & he walked with me & talked to me & everything the whole time♥ lol so everythign was pretty good with him the whole time. then me & michelle were leaving & michlle screamed "JESS INCH WORM!!" so of course i flip out & scream [ draws attention ] & i fall on my ass & jsut sit there like a jack ass while everyone including josh is starring at em & i laugh my ass off. funny shit. then we're in the car talking about inch worms in peoples hair & michelle's mom turns around & says "omg there's one in your hair!" so she stops int he middle of portion road & me & michelle start running around in the street like asshole sscreaming "GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT!!!" lmao funny shit. so yeah i had a pretty eventful day. & i really think i like josh =] mmkay well my new baithingsuit jsut came so i'mg onna try it on now. kaybye. ilyy cutie♥

Mon, 15 May 2006 20:18:58 GMT

so i'm grounded forever.
& i really wanna see him</u>♥

Tue, 09 May 2006 19:18:20 GMT

okay so i met this kid who i never really noticed before & he's absolutely AMAZING !! ♥♥

Fri, 21 Apr 2006 17:53:11 GMT

so thismorning i goot my bottom braces on. good thing is i got to miss school. later me jenna & tom are gona go party with chris walker & glor & all them. it should be lots of fun ;] heh. right now i'm kinda bored & waiting for everyone to get home from school. mmkay well i'm gonna finish eating my peanutbutter toast so maybe i'll write more laterr??♥

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 18:31:44 GMT

well yesterday [ early thismorning ] i got home from n.c. i was supposed to be home at like 7:30 but we got held up in traffic so we didn't get home until like 12.

my vacation was really good for the most part. the only thing that ruined it was my mom & jody. the whole vacation my heart had the worst pain in it & i'm guessing it was from them. they don't realize what they do to me. but other than that i had a really good time. my family is crazy together & hillarious too.

later i'm going to the ortho to get my spacers. friday i'm missing school again & getting my bottom braces on, funn. then me & tom & jenna?? & whoever else are going to regal. then saturday me tom & maybe peck are going to my dads house to watch american history x & maybe the notebook if peck's there so he can finally see it. idk what i'm doing sunday yet though.

i'm probly going to n.c again with my dad nicky & jenna in august. i hope so, if i do then me & jenna are going with ym cousin ashley & her friends to warped tour =] tehe.

yesterday on the car ride home i was on the phone with peck. we had another one of our good talks. i've realized that him and lisa are alot alike when it comes to talking. they're both easy to talk to, smart, give good advice, find my advice useful, & we're best friends. i love talking to those 2.

mmkay well i'm gonna go in the shower now. kay bye♥

Sat, 08 Apr 2006 17:47:07 GMT

so my sicky's comming over in a few minutes =] i'm kinda bored, jenna's in the shower right now. then i'm going in the shower when she gets out. tom will probly get here before she gets out or before i get out. oh well. i'm not doing any make-up or anything today anyways so it doesn't matter.

tomorrow i'm going to north carolina =] i can't wait. i love my family down there♥ heh mmkay so my cell will be on all week if you'd like to call me =] kaybye♥

Fri, 31 Mar 2006 20:15:21 GMT

so i'm back to my old self again. i noticed when i went out with greg i turned into one of those goodie goodie girls who never does anything wrong. buit now i'm back to my old "daring" self. tehe =] & i figured out that greg never really loved me. i mean yeah he loved me, but he loved who i thought i was & not who i really was. & honstely, i don't think he'd like the real me, & if he doesn't then that's his problem. obviously i can live without him. i just got a craving for cheesie bread. yeahh .. just thought i'd share =] so yeah now i smile constantly just like i did in 7th grade. kinda weirdd, but everyone likes this me better & so do i. i know it sounds weird, but i really missed myself. lol

so today i'm going to jenna's house. her neighbor carig [ 10th grade i think? ] wants to chill with me. i don't have any interest in him more than a friend but he does. oh well, maybe after chilling today he'll realize that we're better off friends? but i highly doubt i'll change my mind about him & "fall in love" with the kid. it's not happening. but who knows. but anyways, tom & nick will be with us too. then we're gonna eventually go back to my house. it should be an interesting night. yeah kaybye =] ♥

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 21:42:22 GMT

so i think i'm finally over greg. =]
i'm happier now than i've been in a long time =]
my best friends ; jenna tom nick & lisa - are my life<33333
& i'm happy to say me & greg will never happen again =] tehehe =D

your loss =] ♥♥♥♥♥♥

r.i.p teddy, you'll be missed ♥

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 20:03:16 GMT

so greg broke up with me yesterday.
i'm staying single for a long time.
yeah kay bye ~~♥&hearts~~

Tue, 14 Mar 2006 00:34:10 GMT

so lately i've done nothing but sat in my room & in my computer room. my family's always making fun of me saying "are you still breathing?" but it does nothing but piss me off. the reason i stay in this room is because i can't stand my house & in this room it makes me feel important, smart, better than the rest of my house makes me feel. i solve so many peoples problems & make so many people feel good in this room. i do my homework & study in this room. i do everything in this room. everyone comes to me for help & i help everyone, even my friend tiff that lives in florida & i never even met before. i help all of gregs friends, but he still doesn't think i can help him. i can though, i know i can. i always can. the onyl persons problems i can't fix are my own. i feel like greg thinks of me just as the rest of my family does. like i know nothing, i can't help anyone with anything, & i'm just not important to them. i mean sure i give greg a reason to live, but what reason does he give me to live? the only reason i have to live are my best friends & the people who's lives i make better & solve their problems. alot of people say i should become a writer or therapist. i wouldn't want to be a writer because i write stories on my life & trust me, my life's nothing to be proud of. i feel i can't be a therapist because no matter how many peoples problems i solve, i still can't fix my own. on top of all of this, noone in my house cares enough to ask why i stay in this room so much. i concentrate so much on school now, i do more homework then needed, study alot. every day i have all my homework while noone else does. then when he have a pop-quiz i ace it every time.

hey mom i got a 94 on my pop-quiz today. "yeah hunny i'm so proud of you" yeah if only you knew.

i love you greg♥
i don't know what i am anymore =/

Wed, 08 Mar 2006 20:36:08 GMT

so the last time i was actually with greg was in school last wed. the last time i talked to him was on monday. i miss him =[

i love you so fucking much baby!!
i miss you more than anything!! ♥♥

Sat, 04 Mar 2006 16:40:42 GMT

so last night was dramaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. pretty gay. i hate people who are pussys & have to have a knife or some other weapon when they fight. just goes to show if it was a fist fight they'd lose. fucking cunts. whatever. so me & greg are all good again ::knockon wood:: & will hopefully be for a while. i love him more than anything, but you already knew that. okay well i'm bored so i decided to write in here & i've run out of things to say. so i'm going in the shower. goodbye.

i love you so fucking much gregory brookfield!!! ♥♥

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 21:22:36 GMT

so today's me & gregs 5 month =] & i feel closer with him than ever before. ever since yesterday i feel like i know him better, i know it sounds weird cause we've been going out for 5 months so really what more is there to learn about the kid? but i really did learn alot yesterday & i'm happy i did. i love talking to him about things. i love being with him. i love everything about him. i think things are getting better for us ::knock on wood:: & i really hope i'm right this time. ever time i think things are getting better for me they just get worse. i hope that doesn't happen this time. i love greg & i want nothing but to be with him forever.

oh yeah, jody moved in today. i guess that's okay. i can't stop it now, it already happened. i guess i'm okay with it, it's just weird, different. it's gonna take alot of time getting used to. okay well i'm gonna go do my homework now.

i love you so fucking much gregory brookfield!!
you mean everything to me baby,
& that will never change!
no matter what ♥♥

Wed, 22 Feb 2006 19:56:49 GMT

ME & GREG ARE GOING BACK OUT!!! =]

i love you sooo fucking much baby!! ♥♥

i love greg ♥♥

Wed, 22 Feb 2006 16:49:47 GMT

okay so i think me & greg are all i good again ::knock on wood:: we still love eachother & we were talking about it. i really hope it works out again, i want to be with him more than anything in the world! words can't describe how i feel about him. even if we were just friends i'd be happy, i can't stand not being with him though. i love him so much! i'm not getting my hopes up to go out or anything though cause i don't have such luck. but if we ever did go back out i'd be the happiest girl in the world! i'd never fight with him & try my hardest not to fuck things up. i never wanna lose him.

i love you so fucking much gregory brookfield!! ♥♥

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 21:29:51 GMT

okay so i keep trying to pretend i can get over greg. i get pissed at everyone & all guys make me sick. if i'm not mistaken these are the signs of a broken heart cause from love. not love like "omg i love you" & thinking you mean it but don't really. love like i know i love him. i keep trying to make fun of him to myself so i wont think he's so perfect & so i can try & get over him but it's not working =/ the trueth is .. i miss him & want him back =[

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 19:15:37 GMT

so greg hates me. i deserve to fucking die. =[ =[ =[

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 16:05:44 GMT

so me & greg broke up but we're great friends & i'm pretty happy about it. although chris & joe are getting jumped soon & i'm gonna fight them both too. they hit tried to jump greg & hit me in the process. cops came & i can't wait to fight joe & chris. i really fucking hate them! whatever kay bye!

Fri, 17 Feb 2006 21:18:12 GMT

so i'm depressed, still. & probly will be for a while. i think greg's breaking up with me today or sometime soon. last night i almost died. i was about to pass out & couldn't breath [ my doctor said that when that happens i should be rushed to the hospital ] but noone was home to take me. it sucked. today i saw greg in the morning & cried. i saw him going to gym & almost cried. i cried on my way home form school & i've been crying ever since. more bad news about my family problems. this sucks, i have nothing going for me. also tom dave & matt are all moving. 3 of my best friends. if i lose anyone else in my life i don't know what i'm going to do or what's going to happen to me. i hate my life.

i love you so fucking much greg! ♥♥
even if you don't want me anymore =[

happy valentines day!! =]

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 20:38:03 GMT

well today is valentines day =] & a good one too. in a little while i'm going out to eat with greg & then going out to eat with my dad carol & marc. it should be fun. okay greg just called & told me to meet up with him so i guess i'll write more later.

i love you so fucking much greg!! ♥♥

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 15:32:20 GMT

so friday one of ym best friends gets hit by a car. greg calls & tells me, it ruined my night. she's okay now but she's going back to the hospital today =/ i prayed for her that night that she would be okay. the next morning she called me & told me everything. i kinda felt like it was my fault cause i told her she could come home with me from school thatd ay but she said she was supposed to chill with jen kalsto & all them. also it was right near my house, i'm just so happy she's okay.

today we have off from school cause we got like a foot of snow. i'm probly gonna chill with jenna seppi & everyone today at like the mall or something.

tomorrow's valentines day & greg wants to take me to chilis =] mmm yummy! lol it should be nice. okay well i guess i'm gonna go get ready for the day.

i love you so fucking much greg ♥♥

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 19:48:19 GMT

so me & greg are all good now =] i miss him [ even though i just saw him in school today ] & i love him soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fucking much!!!!! yeah i think you get the point. umm not much more to write about & i think i've written enough entries about how much i love greg & why so i guess i'm going to go now, maybe i'll write more later? hmmmm

i love you so fucking much greg!!! ♥♥

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 02:57:42 GMT

so i'm depressed, & i will be for a while. i was on the phone with peck today & it made me realize something. i feel like i'm losing greg & i finally know why, it's because i have. him or anyone can deny it all they want, but they just wouldn't understand. i fell in love with the happy greg. & no matter what i will love greg, happy mad sad or depressed. i just miss the happy greg & i know there's nothing i can do to make him happy, therefore there is nothing i can do to get him back. i lost him & there's no return, i feel as if things are just getting worse. i can't escape depression, no matter how hard i try. i know people have it worse, but i still feel like i have it pretty bad. i think the worst thing that could happen is to lose the one you truely love, & i lost that. i lost him to a reason that i don't know & probly never will know. he wont tell me, nor will he tell anyone else. it upset me but i guess i can accept the fact that he doesn't feel comfortable talking about it. idk if we're in a fight or what. i'm not sitting with him tomorrow in lunch. i don't want to look like an idiot & him turn me away. if he cares about me as much as he says he does he'll come up to me on his own. i wish he's open up to me more, i spill my heart out to him & i get nothing in return. i know he's in depression & it's a hard thing to over come, but i've been there & probly longer than him too, but no matter what i always opened up to him how he opened up to me. i wish i had the same affect on him that he has on me, he can always make me smile, it seems impossible for me to do that to him. i miss him, i miss my life, i miss my happiness. okay bye.

i love greg.